Looking for jokes about DRUNKS!!!!

BEST DRUNK STORY OF THE MONTH... A drunken man walks into abiker bar, sits down at The bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a Corner table. Hegets up, staggers to the table, Leans over, looks the biggest, meanest,biker in The face and says: 'I went by your grandma's house Today and Isaw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!' The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His Buddies areconfused, because he is one bad biker And would fight at the drop of ahat. The drunk leans on the table again and says: 'I got It on with yourgrandma and she is good, the best I Ever had!' The biker's buddies arestarting to get really mad But the biker still says nothing. The drunkleans on the table one more time and says, 'I'll tell you somethingelse, boy, your grandma Liked it!' At this point the biker stands up,takes the drunk By the shoulders looks him square in the eyes andSays.................... 'Grandpa...... Go home! You're drunk!!!

Looking for jokes about drunks

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee and
a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk
standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the
cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
"You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued by
the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at
her six
items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her
selections
that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity
getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're
absolutely
correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."