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Monday, November 23, 2009

Happy Turkey day

A young man
named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an
even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's' mouth
was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to
change the bird's attitude by
consistently saying only polite words, playing
soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's
vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.
The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier
and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird
and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and
screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a
peep was heard
for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

Thursday, November 19, 2009

looking to fish

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect backwoods camping and fishing trip.

Two days before the group is to leave Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and fish cooking on the fire.

"Damn man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?" I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see-through nightie.

"She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said 'do what ever you want.'

"Here I am."

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