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Monday, November 22, 2010

wo sex joke

After a long night of making love,
the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry.
'Is this your husband?'
he nervously asks.
'No, silly,'
she replies, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend, then?'
he continues.
'No, not at all,'
she says, nibbling away at his ear.
'Is it your dad or your brother?'
he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.
'Well, who in the hell is he, then?'
he demands.
She whispers in his ear
'That's me before the surgery.' ...

Monday, October 18, 2010

Maxine what?


LEAVE IT TO MAXINE......SHE TELLS IT JUST LIKE IT IS!!!!!

Maxine on health care

Let me get this straight. We're going to be "gifted" with a health care plan we are forced to purchase and fined if we don't,


written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn't read it but exempts themselves from it,


to be signed by a president who also smokes,


with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese,


and financed by a country that's broke.

What the hell could possibly go wrong?

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says,
'Kin ya swallar?'


The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

अ moral instead of a crappy joke



One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well.. He was astonished at whathe saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

**********************************************************************
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
Live simply and appreciate what you have.
Give more.
Expect less

NOW .........
Enough of that crap. The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer in the nads who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.





MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.


T

Monday, March 15, 2010

More bizzy

THAN jOHN EDWARDS at a Tiger Woods Charity Golf Event. More busy than Big Ben at a frat party.More busy than a U.S. money printer.

More busy

Than a KENNEDY at happy hour.More busy than Phil Spectures hair dresser.

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Health and wellness is no joke bro