tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-76091699386200695362024-03-21T08:53:28.320-07:00Looking for JokesP.G.50 and border line bad taste Jokes,West Virginia stupid jokes,your mama jokes and hilarious jokes and 1 line jokes Humour blog WELCOME TO THE GREY AREA. Comment jokes welcome .2016 race jokes Trump jokes Hilary jokesLuke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.comBlogger171125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-38053560054151496782017-12-29T11:17:00.001-08:002017-12-29T11:17:26.559-08:00is bitcoin a joke<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/m6Hyi4zatCc" width="480"></iframe>Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-67465878129109937362017-07-17T11:28:00.001-07:002017-07-17T11:29:16.642-07:00how to prepare for a funny joke <iframe src="//rcm-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/cm?o=1&p=12&l=ur1&category=amazonmom&banner=1JX8XKEP5T5GP84G6J02&f=ifr&linkID=8ffc6c003ef30bc7140f50c51be1e0a0&t=buzz2u-20&tracking_id=buzz2u-20" width="300" height="250" scrolling="no" border="0" marginwidth="0" style="border:none;" frameborder="0"></iframe>Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-33574643787030199012017-05-12T11:15:00.001-07:002017-05-12T11:15:53.384-07:00it is a jungle out there<h3>
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
</h3>
Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-58008726735172928432016-07-31T08:43:00.004-07:002016-07-31T08:51:32.632-07:00What is the difference between a Harley and a vacuum cleaner ?Answer. The vacuum cleaner has only one dirt bag on its back!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqzsQgpXeJRVyNZc-4oUs7AktGcJL9FzoJbttrWeBvFLKSMP_fslO77lEJ88lwTd9oSzN_qyatCDk8vYg_8VCcbHmDiZH-3kUBuNub1ou6BBVduxmjM33MX80XG13gG0oA0RMAcS6q7p8D/s1600/download.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="302" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqzsQgpXeJRVyNZc-4oUs7AktGcJL9FzoJbttrWeBvFLKSMP_fslO77lEJ88lwTd9oSzN_qyatCDk8vYg_8VCcbHmDiZH-3kUBuNub1ou6BBVduxmjM33MX80XG13gG0oA0RMAcS6q7p8D/s400/download.jpg" width="400" /></a>Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-8358911484724311172016-04-21T14:46:00.000-07:002016-07-31T08:56:06.603-07:00ohio dude can see west virginia <iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/4n3kvvXaSso" width="654"></iframe> The least busiest person in West Virginia is the"tooth fairy" .Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-63495129716008703972016-03-31T13:54:00.001-07:002016-04-21T14:47:05.841-07:00looking for jokes online <iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/GAiahLOOhgA" width="480"></iframe>Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-10125131037716627202015-11-25T09:23:00.002-08:002015-11-25T09:23:33.491-08:00from midwest brotha<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5UYM1sKVGrYSbmTtYNIANQe98MtjVqZSknDDKMyh7vMMfLyEI8lHpxLqBL1EdNQYJ8BG9So6wVoYbnSWxjWpEDIVan0M8dvw3L428-d42ZFP9J16g4D3BBswV-HMxX0JFZqGvnFN2-1-K/s1600/15+-+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5UYM1sKVGrYSbmTtYNIANQe98MtjVqZSknDDKMyh7vMMfLyEI8lHpxLqBL1EdNQYJ8BG9So6wVoYbnSWxjWpEDIVan0M8dvw3L428-d42ZFP9J16g4D3BBswV-HMxX0JFZqGvnFN2-1-K/s1600/15+-+1.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-82889272838547044242015-11-23T08:08:00.002-08:002015-11-23T08:08:33.083-08:00looking for sports jokes<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtJNJSt2LC_E1AxqoUTJDO3cxECwmhg3ByHqwd5B8rpvg54TJDEzAoGX3yIz60OfSKP3vBgDNduwIhUQlDwsdstjb-ngunIx20uE5LX559iqde_-gmH3iEvcfWwatqt29GLKQqCChEw3RZ/s1600/201410_1346_agdda_sm.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtJNJSt2LC_E1AxqoUTJDO3cxECwmhg3ByHqwd5B8rpvg54TJDEzAoGX3yIz60OfSKP3vBgDNduwIhUQlDwsdstjb-ngunIx20uE5LX559iqde_-gmH3iEvcfWwatqt29GLKQqCChEw3RZ/s400/201410_1346_agdda_sm.jpg" /></a>Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-73030061527845852912015-08-17T11:39:00.002-07:002015-08-17T11:39:52.597-07:00dont understand why my mom hates my wife<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha8qqmnR1N1NCXLshlnwlQjUNdcvPJsVZwkU_J-o0D4ny7Oo788s95acLD0AangrF6nyZpYQ257exWERFXOEzmthDFhipN72pZvU0pnVzf0f82PKg-rMBG_X-3PV6oesX2M-jbjEuWnCpZ/s1600/CMoTHU0UwAAY3SZ.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="356" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha8qqmnR1N1NCXLshlnwlQjUNdcvPJsVZwkU_J-o0D4ny7Oo788s95acLD0AangrF6nyZpYQ257exWERFXOEzmthDFhipN72pZvU0pnVzf0f82PKg-rMBG_X-3PV6oesX2M-jbjEuWnCpZ/s640/CMoTHU0UwAAY3SZ.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-11015898432712907882015-04-10T08:49:00.001-07:002015-04-10T08:49:50.156-07:00Medical FactFat women live longer than the men that call them fat.Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-78503583310293867692014-11-11T10:52:00.002-08:002014-11-11T10:52:28.144-08:00writing a bookI have been thinking about writing a book about procrastination for years.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX1ZHL9wfMgx8UsIdqUwCBz-AxJLMzoeZXRyYBJZ4pqv-W4oODST3NVYgundLMNL5hgc7sANOAVVhu58tBhAjPA9nKTIPDT9OaVSWGiAfvGwrayCUVR6rwcejMcsH3_55mBvZX_HG2Vauy/s1600/Nov+11,+2014+1:51:58+PM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX1ZHL9wfMgx8UsIdqUwCBz-AxJLMzoeZXRyYBJZ4pqv-W4oODST3NVYgundLMNL5hgc7sANOAVVhu58tBhAjPA9nKTIPDT9OaVSWGiAfvGwrayCUVR6rwcejMcsH3_55mBvZX_HG2Vauy/s640/Nov+11,+2014+1:51:58+PM.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-71340730556554354082014-01-27T10:01:00.001-08:002014-01-27T10:01:46.290-08:00Love youOne time in a long time ,my wife and i went out on the town. FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME,My wife said i Luv ya. I asked,"is that the wine saying that." She said "No , its me saying it to the wine......Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-58723569301658920412013-12-16T09:54:00.001-08:002013-12-16T09:57:22.443-08:00no Christmas jokes pleaseq. What did the snowman say to the snowman. Answer Does it smell like carrots around here ?Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-74387638330361308902013-06-08T09:43:00.000-07:002013-06-08T09:43:27.195-07:00Who is Hu ?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglIWLVmFc_UReRjCGkVPmrzmX7Xt192cGP-x1Sp6Nx9tLh5E9QPKe_Y96QebF-dr8vLSnbIN7WEHq6OnNO1Em332y_x8ZNx8NcgPOLJfj0M0Q7QbuuPWOPJfBv0peasUyMiHSShmCO1Rlj/s1600/who+is+on+first.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglIWLVmFc_UReRjCGkVPmrzmX7Xt192cGP-x1Sp6Nx9tLh5E9QPKe_Y96QebF-dr8vLSnbIN7WEHq6OnNO1Em332y_x8ZNx8NcgPOLJfj0M0Q7QbuuPWOPJfBv0peasUyMiHSShmCO1Rlj/s320/who+is+on+first.jpg" /></a>Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-80685779161598069342013-04-27T07:55:00.003-07:002014-11-11T10:54:13.133-08:00looking for 53 jokes (brother of the great author<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/hTR2tVr2a6A?feature=player_embedded" width="640"></iframe> with Hank Green--not Red GreenLuke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-17674217167027579572013-04-26T07:49:00.000-07:002013-04-27T08:07:14.723-07:00Things that people say in American CourtsDid you laugh?<br />
<div class="content">
How is there order ?
These are from a book called <a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Disorder%20in%20the%20American%20Courts">Disorder in the American Courts </a>and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
the exchanges were taking place.<br />
<br />
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?<br />
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'<br />
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?<br />
WITNESS: My name is Susan!<br />
_______________________________<br />
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?<br />
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.<br />
____________________________________________<br />
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?<br />
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.<br />
____________________________________________<br />
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? <br />
WITNESS: July 18th. <br />
ATTORNEY: What year? <br />
WITNESS: Every year. <br />
_____________________________________ <br />
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? <br />
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. <br />
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? <br />
WITNESS: Forty-five years. <br />
_________________________________<br />
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?<br />
WITNESS: Yes.<br />
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?<br />
WITNESS: I forget..<br />
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?<br />
___________________________________________<br />
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?<br />
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?<br />
____________________________________<br />
<br />
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?<br />
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.<br />
___________________________________________ <br />
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?<br />
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?<br />
_________________________________________<br />
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?<br />
WITNESS: Yes.<br />
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?<br />
WITNESS: Getting laid<br />
____________________________________________<br />
<br />
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?<br />
WITNESS: Yes.<br />
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?<br />
WITNESS: None.<br />
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?<br />
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?<br />
____________________________________________<br />
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?<br />
WITNESS: By death..<br />
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?<br />
WITNESS: Take a guess.<br />
___________________________________________<br />
<br />
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?<br />
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard<br />
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?<br />
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.<br />
_____________________________________<br />
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?<br />
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.<br />
______________________________________<br />
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?<br />
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.<br />
_________________________________________<br />
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?<br />
WITNESS: Oral...<br />
_________________________________________<br />
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?<br />
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM<br />
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?<br />
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.<br />
____________________________________________<br />
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?<br />
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?<br />
<br />
______________________________________<br />
For your attorney friends <br />
<br />
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?<br />
WITNESS: No.<br />
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?<br />
WITNESS: No.<br />
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?<br />
WITNESS: No..<br />
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?<br />
WITNESS: No.<br />
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?<br />
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.<br />
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?<br />
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law</div>
Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-19150569061366502722013-02-25T12:36:00.001-08:002013-02-25T12:36:32.651-08:00no Polish Jokes please<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/G8qnsK0PRmI?feature=player_detailpage" width="640"></iframe><br />Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-21250475035388128242013-01-24T11:40:00.001-08:002013-01-24T11:40:14.168-08:00Stupid question, excellent answer<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGFRCEcAqTHfqT-KgmMFy0sxoCDkROhvXyujuDBgpLco86F77i_DkhTeP29sdxBkZVxW6ALziStuJYND6pJKtG_ostE5AEZtmUokfSvXXCy5s6wnupUrNAlqLKFZBLSJXA8NKb2l9uvasy/s1600/Lighthouse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="240" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGFRCEcAqTHfqT-KgmMFy0sxoCDkROhvXyujuDBgpLco86F77i_DkhTeP29sdxBkZVxW6ALziStuJYND6pJKtG_ostE5AEZtmUokfSvXXCy5s6wnupUrNAlqLKFZBLSJXA8NKb2l9uvasy/s320/Lighthouse.jpg" /></a></div>
For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an Australian.
General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.
Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.
Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you have to love this!
This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.
This is a portion of an ABC radio interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military Headquarters.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-49557635097762978372013-01-17T13:21:00.001-08:002013-01-17T13:21:13.969-08:00Lame jokeWhy wouldn't the pirate go to the movies? IT WAS RATED RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLuke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-79389986927906199752012-10-26T09:13:00.000-07:002012-10-26T09:13:06.591-07:00The Difference Between Complete and Finished<br />
<div class="yiv1785064241MsoPlainText">
</div>
<div class="yiv1785064241MsoPlainText" id="yui_3_7_2_1_1351267855742_97">
No
English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference
between those two words. In a recently held linguistic competition held
in London, England, attended by the best in the world, Samsundar
Balgobin, a Guyanese man from Bachelors Adventure was the clear winner
with
a standing ovation lasting over five minutes. Here is his answer which
made him receive an invitation to dine with the Queen, who decided to
call him after the contest. He won a trip to travel the world in style
and a case of 25 year old Eldorado rum for his answer.</div>
<div class="yiv1785064241MsoPlainText">
</div>
<div class="yiv1785064241MsoPlainText">
The
question was this. How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE
and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there
is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Here is Mr. Balgobin’s
astute answer: </div>
<div class="yiv1785064241MsoPlainText">
</div>
<div class="yiv1785064241MsoPlainText">
<b><span style="color: red;">"When
you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. And when you marry the
wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with
the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"</span></b></div>
<div class="yiv1785064241MsoPlainText" id="yui_3_7_2_1_1351267855742_115">
<b><span style="color: windowtext;"> </span></b></div>
Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-7931624906095334742012-10-02T18:02:00.000-07:002012-10-02T18:02:12.783-07:00Guns <h1 id="yui_3_2_0_1_1349225719953247">
<span id="yui_3_2_0_1_1349225719953244" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Top Ten Reasons Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women</span></h1>
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"><a href="http://www.cbs.com/shows/late_show/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><span style="color: #474134;">The
Late Show with David Letterman</span></a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">And
here we go…</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">#11
– <i>(</i></span><i><span style="color: blue; font-size: 10.0pt;">Bonus</span></i><i><span class="yiv1665662148yui_3_2_0_20_134919021430497" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">)</span></i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> A gun
won’t max out your credit cards and empty your bank account.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">#10
– You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">#9
– You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you’re on the
road.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">#8
– If you admire a friend’s gun, and tell him so, he'll probably let you try it
out a few times.<br />
<br />
<span id="yiv1665662148more-22603"></span>#7 – Your primary gun doesn’t mind if you keep
another gun for a backup.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">#6
– Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">#5
– A gun doesn’t take up a lot of closet space.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">#4
– Guns function normally every day of the month.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">#3
– A gun doesn’t ask , “Do these new grips make me look fat?”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">#2
– A gun doesn’t mind if you go to sleep after you use it.</span><br />
<b><i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
<i>And the Number One reason
Why Men Prefer Guns over women…..</i></span></i></b><b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
<br />
<b><br />
<b>#1 – You can buy a
silencer for a gun!</b></b></span>Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-52733343209580068482012-09-28T15:49:00.002-07:002012-09-28T15:51:08.023-07:00real life is no joke<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"></span></span>
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<td id="yui_3_2_0_1_1348871244559132" style="padding: 0in;" valign="top"><div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" id="yui_3_2_0_1_1348871244559129" style="text-align: center;">
<b id="yui_3_2_0_1_1348871244559126"><span id="yui_3_2_0_1_1348871244559123" style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span id="yui_3_2_0_1_1348871244559120" style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">1. A
man comes into the ER and
yells....'</span></span></b>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">My
wife's going to have her baby in the
cab.'</span></span></b>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I grabbed my stuff,
rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress
and began to take off her
underwear.</span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Suddenly I noticed that
there were several cabs and I was in the wrong
one.</span></span>
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Submitted by Dr. Mark
MacDonald ,</span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">San
Francisco</span></span>
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">2. At
the beginning of my shift<span class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></b>I
placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly
deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">'Big breaths,'. . . I
instructed.</span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">'Yes, they used to be,'.
. . replied the patient.</span></span>
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Submitted by Dr .
Richard Byrnes ,</span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Seattle</span></span> ,
WA
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">3.
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when
I told a wife that her husband had died of a
massive myocardial infarct .</span></span></b>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest
of the family that he had died of a 'massive
internal fart .'</span></span>
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Submitted by Dr . Susan
Steinberg</span></span>
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">4.
During a patient's two week follow-up
appointment with his cardiologist , he informed
me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
one of his medications .</span></span></b>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">'Which one?'. I asked.
'The patch...</span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">The Nurse told me to put
on a new one every six hours and now I'm running
out of places to put it!'</span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I had him quickly
undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't
see.</span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Yes, the man had over
fifty patches on his body!</span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Now, the instructions
include removal of the old patch before applying
a new one.</span></span>
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Submitted by Dr .
Rebecca St . Clair ,</span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Norfolk</span></span> ,
VA
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">5.
While acquainting myself with a new elderly
patient,</span></span></b>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">I
asked, 'How long have you been
bedridden?'</span></span></b>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">After a look of complete
confusion she answered . . ..</span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">'Why, not for about
twenty years - when my husband was
alive.'</span></span>
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Submitted by Dr . Steven
Swanson -</span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Corvallis</span></span>
, OR
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">6. I
was performing rounds at the hospital one
morning and while checking up on a man I asked .
. .' So how's your breakfast this morning?'
'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I
can't seem to get used to the taste'. Bob
replied.</span></span></b>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I then asked to see the
jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY
Jelly.'</span></span>
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Submitted by Dr .
Leonard Kransdorf ,</span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Detroit</span></span> ,
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">7. A
nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a
young woman with purple hair styled into a punk
rocker Mohawk , sporting a variety of tattoos,
and wearing strange clothing, entered . . . It
was quickly determined that the patient had
acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for
immediate surgery. When she was completely
disrobed on the operating table, the staff
noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green
and above it there was a tattoo that read . . .'
Keep off the grass.'</span></span></b>
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Once the surgery was
completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry... had to
mow the lawn.'</span></span>
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Submitted by RN no
name,</span></span>
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">AND FINALLY!! ! .. . . .
. . . . . . . . . . .</span></span>
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">8. As
a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.<span class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></b>I
was quite embarrassed when performing female
pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment I had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling
softly.
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">The middle-aged lady
upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly
burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said.
'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied
with tears running down her cheeks from laughing
so hard . .. .</span></span>
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">'No doctor but the song
you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar
Meyer Wiener .'</span></span>
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Dr wouldn't submit his
name....</span></span>
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">1
MORE</span></span></b>
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">Baby's
First Doctor Visit</span></span></b>
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">This
made me laugh out loud.</span></span></b>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">I
hope it will give you a smile!</span></span></b>
<br />
<div class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">A
woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining
room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the
baby's first exam.</span></span></b>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">The
doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked
his weight, and being a little concerned, asked
if the baby was breast-fed or
bottle-fed.</span></span></b>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">'Breast-fed,'
she replied...</span></span></b>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">'Well,
strip down to your waist,' the doctor
ordered.</span></span></b>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">She
did. He pinched her nipples , pressed, kneaded,
and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very
professional and detailed
examination.</span></span></b>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">Motioning
to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No
wonder this baby is underweight . You don't have
any milk.'</span></span></b>
<br />
<div align="center" class="yiv1081890580ecxyiv1565869316MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: bold;">I
know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, But I'm glad
I came.</span></span></b></div>
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Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-78992004939909829912012-09-21T10:56:00.000-07:002012-09-23T20:05:28.645-07:00No more ObaMA JOKES<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj46EZ0bmmxnitoTwbQJoYpJUN4S5B5ZWhIk7DmDTcQIMgiQmIXqhuXzqZeRd3PYwVYpxQFyvpFVKtpbtFLjB23PeEBmrt6SEeqfufLXZjavSzkBdBNIm_83phjdovJletgov_KSFySTF1x/s1600/bumper+sticker.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="342" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj46EZ0bmmxnitoTwbQJoYpJUN4S5B5ZWhIk7DmDTcQIMgiQmIXqhuXzqZeRd3PYwVYpxQFyvpFVKtpbtFLjB23PeEBmrt6SEeqfufLXZjavSzkBdBNIm_83phjdovJletgov_KSFySTF1x/s320/bumper+sticker.JPG" width="520" /></a></div>
Coming soon .. Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-42409429365648529832012-08-31T19:53:00.002-07:002013-04-26T08:16:00.580-07:00trailer park no jokeTwo good ol' boys in a Tennessee Two good ol' boys in a Tennessee trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off of work at the local Nissan plant. After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If’ n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"<br />
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The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even!"
Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7609169938620069536.post-6285655564413698582012-08-21T09:27:00.000-07:002012-08-21T09:27:40.625-07:00Mitt has a blind trust.I saw where Mitt Romney has a blind trust that pays millions a year. My luck ,i would get a trust and it would not go blind.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_EnybY_CuqcOWs3U8ryoUsdPvN-KMdMYdsv6KYol7gI2aDoz4oKIxQtnyQ8KG4WiN1g31mHydg_TUqDoG8QHfoOR3PpQQXcf79y4m-855Fdb6QfasQ1_0S2T_8Yk2MF90rGLdsQ7LeIRN/s1600/gold+car.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="132" width="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_EnybY_CuqcOWs3U8ryoUsdPvN-KMdMYdsv6KYol7gI2aDoz4oKIxQtnyQ8KG4WiN1g31mHydg_TUqDoG8QHfoOR3PpQQXcf79y4m-855Fdb6QfasQ1_0S2T_8Yk2MF90rGLdsQ7LeIRN/s200/gold+car.jpg" /></a></div>
Luke Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01042397623100836570noreply@blogger.com0