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Friday, August 26, 2011

looking for jokes but found oxymorons


21 Oxymoron by A moron and a Mormon (s)





1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?



2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?



3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?



4. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?



5. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?



6. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?



7. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?



8. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?



9. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?



10. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?



11. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?



12. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?



13. Why is bra singular and panties plural?



14. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?



15. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?



16. How come abbreviated is such a long word?



17. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?



18. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?



19. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?



20. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?



21. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

looking for SMART A**jokes


Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves and display racks set up.

One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, "What are you sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling a**-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You must be doing well. Only two left."

Seniors -- don't mess with them, They didn't get old by being stupid.." a double punch line bonus.

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You must be doing well. Only two left."

Seniors -- don't mess with them, They didn't get old by being stupid.

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