1. A
man comes into the ER and
yells....'
My
wife's going to have her baby in the
cab.'
I grabbed my stuff,
rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress
and began to take off her
underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that
there were several cabs and I was in the wrong
one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark
MacDonald ,
San
Francisco
2. At
the beginning of my shift I
placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly
deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. . . I
instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,'.
. . replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr .
Richard Byrnes ,
Seattle ,
WA
3.
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when
I told a wife that her husband had died of a
massive myocardial infarct .
Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest
of the family that he had died of a 'massive
internal fart .'
Submitted by Dr . Susan
Steinberg
4.
During a patient's two week follow-up
appointment with his cardiologist , he informed
me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
one of his medications .
'Which one?'. I asked.
'The patch...
The Nurse told me to put
on a new one every six hours and now I'm running
out of places to put it!'
I had him quickly
undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't
see.
Yes, the man had over
fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions
include removal of the old patch before applying
a new one.
Submitted by Dr .
Rebecca St . Clair ,
Norfolk ,
VA
5.
While acquainting myself with a new elderly
patient,
I
asked, 'How long have you been
bedridden?'
After a look of complete
confusion she answered . . ..
'Why, not for about
twenty years - when my husband was
alive.'
Submitted by Dr . Steven
Swanson -
Corvallis
, OR
6. I
was performing rounds at the hospital one
morning and while checking up on a man I asked .
. .' So how's your breakfast this morning?'
'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I
can't seem to get used to the taste'. Bob
replied.
I then asked to see the
jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY
Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr .
Leonard Kransdorf ,
Detroit ,
7. A
nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a
young woman with purple hair styled into a punk
rocker Mohawk , sporting a variety of tattoos,
and wearing strange clothing, entered . . . It
was quickly determined that the patient had
acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for
immediate surgery. When she was completely
disrobed on the operating table, the staff
noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green
and above it there was a tattoo that read . . .'
Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was
completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry... had to
mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN no
name,
AND FINALLY!! ! .. . . .
. . . . . . . . . . .
8. As
a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I
was quite embarrassed when performing female
pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment I had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling
softly.
The middle-aged lady
upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly
burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said.
'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied
with tears running down her cheeks from laughing
so hard . .. .
'No doctor but the song
you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar
Meyer Wiener .'
Dr wouldn't submit his
name....
1
MORE
Baby's
First Doctor Visit
This
made me laugh out loud.
I
hope it will give you a smile!
A
woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining
room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the
baby's first exam.
The
doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked
his weight, and being a little concerned, asked
if the baby was breast-fed or
bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,'
she replied...
'Well,
strip down to your waist,' the doctor
ordered.
She
did. He pinched her nipples , pressed, kneaded,
and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very
professional and detailed
examination.
Motioning
to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No
wonder this baby is underweight . You don't have
any milk.'
I
know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, But I'm glad
I came.
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