Black tie for sale

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties..

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"


The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?
They are only �5."


The Taliban shouted,

"Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you,
but I must find water first!


"OK," said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to
buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than
that.


If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will
find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."


Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.



Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead & said


"Your f****ing brother won't let me in without a tie!"

wo sex joke

After a long night of making love,
the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry.
'Is this your husband?'
he nervously asks.
'No, silly,'
she replies, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend, then?'
he continues.
'No, not at all,'
she says, nibbling away at his ear.
'Is it your dad or your brother?'
he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.
'Well, who in the hell is he, then?'
he demands.
She whispers in his ear
'That's me before the surgery.' ...

Maxine what?

LEAVE IT TO MAXINE......SHE TELLS IT JUST LIKE IT IS!!!!!

Maxine on health care

Let me get this straight. We're going to be "gifted" with a health care plan we are forced to purchase and fined if we don't,


written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn't read it but exempts themselves from it,


to be signed by a president who also smokes,


with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese,


and financed by a country that's broke.

What the hell could possibly go wrong?

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says,
'Kin ya swallar?'


The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'