Looking for PORN!

Looking for jokes...Jesse Jackson

three-family home burned down in New York.
The Puerto Rican family on the first floor all perished.
The black family on the third floor all perished.
No one was injured from the white family on the second floor.

Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson were enraged, calling a press conference and demanding from the Manhattan Fire Chief an explanation of how this could possibly happen, to which the Chief replied ....
"The People on the second floor were all at work."

Looking for jokes...DIVORCE

Dear wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!


Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.

So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S.. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl.

Looking for Nursing Home Sex!!

Nursing Home Sex



Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home. Every night after

dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to sit and

ponder his accomplishments and long life.



One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to

chat and before they know it, several hours have passed.



After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and

asks, 'Do you know what I miss most of all?'



She asks, 'What?'



'Sex!!' he replies.



Mildred exclaims, 'Why you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I held a

gun to your head!'



'I know,' Harold says, 'but it would be nice if a woman

could just hold

it for a while.'



Well, I can oblige,' says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his

manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly

each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would

hold Harold's manhood.



Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place.

Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K. She

walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the

pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold's

manhood!



Furious, Mildred yelled, 'You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have

that I don't have?'



Old Harold smiled happily and replied, 'Parkinson's

Looking for jokes....Shoes!!!

Guido is in this country for only 6 months.

He walks to work 20 blocks every day

and passes a shoe store.

Each day he stops and looks in the window

To admire the Boccelli leather shoes.

He wants those shoes so much...

it's all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves the price

of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.

Every Friday night the Italian community

holds a dance in the church basement.

Guido seizes this opportunity to wear

his new Boccelli leather shoes for the first time.

He asks Maria to dance and

as they dance he asks her,

"Maria, do you wear red panties tonight?"

Startled, Maria replies,

"Yes, Guido, I do wear red panties tonight,

but how do you know?"

Guido answers,

"I see the reflection in my new

$300 Boccelli leather shoes.

How do you like them?"

Next he asks Rosa to dance,

and after a few minutes
he asks,

" Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?"

Rosa answers,

"Yes, Guido, I do,

but how do you know that?"


He replies,

"I see the reflection in my new

$300 Boccelli leather shoes.

How do you like them?"

Now as the evening is almost over

and the last song is being played,

Guido asks Carmela to dance.

Midway through the dance his face

turns red.

He states, "Carmela, be stilla my heart,

please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight,

please, please, tella me this true!"

Carmela smiles coyly and answers,

"Yes Guido, I wear no panties tonight."


Guido gasps,




"Thanka God ..

I thought I had a CRACK in my

$300 Boccelli leather shoes!"