ఓ please, no more political jokes

THIS JUST IN:

Playboy reportedly offered Sarah Palin $4,000,000 to pose nude in an upcoming issue.



Michelle Obama was offered $50 by National Geographic.

In other news ....



We all remember when KFC offered a "Hillary" meal, consisting of

2 small breasts and 2 large thighs. Now,



KFC is offering the "Obama Cabinet Bucket."

It consists of nothing but left wings and assholes.

Just keeping you up to date. Please pass a budget that is ballanced.

Why She Changed Motels

Last week, she checked into a motel in Florida and was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."


She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a sixpence off his well oiled bum.... You get the picture.

She figured, what the heck, I'll give him a call.

"Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?". .. . Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!

Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated and she rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, baby. Now how does that sound?"




He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

Black tie for sale

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties..

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"


The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?
They are only �5."


The Taliban shouted,

"Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you,
but I must find water first!


"OK," said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to
buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than
that.


If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will
find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."


Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.



Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead & said


"Your f****ing brother won't let me in without a tie!"

wo sex joke

After a long night of making love,
the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry.
'Is this your husband?'
he nervously asks.
'No, silly,'
she replies, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend, then?'
he continues.
'No, not at all,'
she says, nibbling away at his ear.
'Is it your dad or your brother?'
he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.
'Well, who in the hell is he, then?'
he demands.
She whispers in his ear
'That's me before the surgery.' ...